Overcoming By AzAria Forde

In December of 2020, I was diagnosed with depression. Hearing this from my doctor felt like my world was falling apart. It felt like someone took a boulder and dropped it on my chest. This was the worst thing that I have ever been told. I knew that depression was a real thing that “other” people suffered from but not me…I can’t be part of that group. 
Being a quiet, somewhat introverted person, I never suffered from depression or anxiety until the Covid pandemic & remote learning. Switching to remote learning halfway through eleventh grade was the start of my depression. To make matters worse was not being able to see my friends or teachers. It was hard my junior year, in remote learning not being able to meet new friends & teachers in person. Little did I know that this was just the beginning of the “new normal”. My classes under this new structure were harder & longer. I started to have no desire for my classes….I didn’t know what my teachers looked like as I kept my camera mostly off. What was “normal” included raising my hands to participate in the classroom to now raising my hands with an emoji. This combined with the social isolation of quarantine, created anxiety at the start of the school year. By the end of September, I wasn’t motivated when it came to completing my school assignments. While sitting at my desk, with my computer open, trying to complete my AP Government assignment, I began to ask myself “what am I really doing? Why am I sitting here feeling frustrated? Would it be easiest to just give up”? At this point, I was not thinking about my future, I was only thinking about how long I had been on the same assignment. 
In October my school wanted us to start the college process, finishing up our college letters and starting to apply to colleges but my head was not in the right space to do that. At this point, I realized that I needed help & with that, I told my mom how I was feeling, something felt off & that I needed someone to talk to about how I was feeling. I tried to ignore it, but the nagging feeling that something wasn’t right followed me for months with no improvement. During my annual physical in December, I told the doctor how I was feeling; she told me that I had a slight case of depression and anxiety due to being in isolation for so long. She told my mom of her findings. I started seeing a therapist every Tuesday. At first, seeing the therapist was awkward; I was shy, and being on zoom made it even more difficult. For the first few meetings, I was shaking, squeezing my nails into my hands, and twisting my fingers. 
It felt good to have someone to talk to after months of only talking to myself. I learned positive affirmation, how to calm myself down before tests, and how it was okay to take a break from
work & take deep breaths. I refocused my mind to think positively by writing down something that I am grateful for daily. After the first few secessions, I was starting to feel a lot better and started to get on priorities of college. 
I began to cope with my depression realizing it didn’t define me as a person. I became my own cheerleader when I felt like giving up no longer panicking with class presentations, exams, or stressing about my grades. By the end of eleventh grade and my senior year, my average was in the 90s. Thankfully, I have found my way around depression. I know that in life I’m going to have to overcome obstacles but having the right support system in place (family, doctor & psychologist) helps in the process. I see a future filled with love, hope, joy, peace & success. My hope is that others suffering from depression can admit, get help & have a future filled with love, hope, joy, peace & success.

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